Man flees police due to ‘bathroom emergency’

Sometimes when you gotta go, you get to go to jail, man finds out

By DONALD WILBURN

donaldfwilburn@gmail.com

In a pursuit that can only be described as both tragic and downright comical, Shirn Raines was apprehended by state troopers after leading them on a slow-speed chase through Interstate 40 – all because nature called at the worst possible time.

On the morning of Oct. 8, ASP Trooper Dairren Evans clocked a black Kia ying down the left lane at a staggering 86 mph in a 65 zone. Perhaps Raines, the driver of the Kia, believed that faster speeds would make the time pass more quickly – but alas, that would not be the case.

Trooper Evans activated his emergency lights and initiated what should have been a routine traf_c stop. Raines complied at _rst, pulling his vehicle to the shoulder. However, as the trooper approached the car, the situation took a bizarre turn.

Raines, clearly in distress, handed over his license and blurted out that he was speeding because he urgently needed the use of a restroom. According to Raines, he had been holding it in for at least 10 minutes before the stop.

Trooper Evans returned to his cruiser to run Raines’s information through the system, but before he could _nish, the desperate driver approached the of_cer’s vehicle, practically begging him to follow him to the nearest gas station. Trooper Evans, displaying remarkable restraint, calmly informed Raines that leaving the scene wasn’t an option – bathroom break or not – and that it would be a “bad day” for him if he left the scene.

Apparently, this was not the news Raines wanted to hear responding, “You can follow me. I got money.” as he walked away, hopped

See CHASE, page A3

Despite being warned not to leave the scene, the suspect decided his number two was number one priority.

Credit: ASP CHASE

From page A1

back into his Kia and took off like a man with absolutely no time to waste to dispose of his waste.

Raines continued down down I-40 at approximately 50mph with his hazard lights on, passing two gas stations that were temptingly close to the exit ramp. Instead, he veered left toward the busiest part of Martin Luther King Drive. Sensing the growing danger to bystanders (and possibly to Raines’ upholstery), Trooper Evans decided enough was enough and executed a Tactical Vehicle Intervention (TVI), bringing the Kia – and the short slow-speed chase – to an abrupt halt.

Raines was taken into custody while shouting several racial epithets and aggressively suggesting that Evans perform fellatio on him. It remains unclear if his bathroom emergency was ever resolved to his satisfaction. However, Trooper Evans did note one small victory: “From the time of the initial stop at 11:39 a.m. to his arrival at jail at 11:57 a.m., the suspect somehow managed to avoid defecating on himself” in Evans’ cruiser.

Local officials urge drivers to obey speed limits and, most importantly, plan restroom breaks accordingly.