Recent divorcee is surprised by affair with young man

Dear Abby By Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I never had sex unless I was in love and knew there was a strong possibility of a solid future. Well, I am 51 now and newly single. My divorce was final four months ago, and I am now living in a new state. I joined one of those hookup sites, found someone and began having sex with him. I nearly backed out and panicked because his profile said he lived 30 minutes away from me, but he was at my house in 10 minutes (!) saying he was visiting a friend in my neighborhood. He’s well-educated, gorgeous, adorable, and I’m having the most amazing, mind-blowing sex of my life. The problem is, I’m falling in love, and he’s only 33. I never thought I could go through with a hookup, but I did. I need to end this, but I don’t know how. — TRYING TO END IT IN THE EAST DEAR TRYING: When people are newly divorced, because the process is often stressful and depressing, they can go on a kind of high when it’s final. At some point you WILL regain your equilibrium, and when you do, you will know how to end it. *** DEAR ABBY: My wife of 45 years has an older sister who is a nasty, narcissistic bully. She has treated my wife and our family like dirt for years, yet my wife continues to tolerate it and refuses to hear of any negative comments about her sister from me. Because of the way she has behaved, I do not want any contact with my sister-in-law. I am at a loss, though, as to how to keep the relationship from causing trouble in my marriage. Why do bullied people refuse to see their abusers for what they are? — DONE WITH IT IN MINNESOTA DEAR DONE WITH IT: It’s lack of self-esteem. Bullied people somehow think they deserve the ill treatment they are receiving. Your wife may come from a background where abuse was normal. If you prefer to avoid your sister-in-law, that is your privilege. However, as long as your wife accepts the status quo, nothing will change. *** DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine is a very nice person. He and his wife live in Pennsylvania. I live in New Jersey. He comes here, and I go there to where he lives. Every time it’s his turn to pay, he comes to lunch alone. Every time it is my turn, he brings along his wife. I don’t feel right about it. He does offer extra money, which I’m really not comfortable accepting. When it’s his turn, he pays $25, but when it is mine, the tab is usually $40 to $50 because there’s an extra person involved. Sometimes he takes care of the tip. Should I tell him I have things to do and can’t go to lunch? — UNSURE UP NORTH DEAR UNSURE: Because you enjoy his company, tell him that although you like his wife, you would feel more comfortable if when you have lunch together it’s “just us guys.” Either that, or suggest that from now on you each request separate checks.