Long marriage is left in limbo by wife’s attraction to women

Dear Abby By Abigail Van Buren

Long marriage is left in limbo by wife’s attraction to women

DEAR ABBY: After 27 years of marriage, my wife told me she is attracted to other women. To my knowledge, she has acted on this only once.

Every day I wonder where our relationship stands. One day she can't see herself without me; the next, she says we should divorce. I don't know if I should end this or wait to see where it goes.

I will need counseling if we divorce, but currently I can't afford it. Yes, I love her, but what matters most to me is that she is happy. I don't have anyone else to talk to about this. Any suggestions? — MR. D. IN CALIFORNIA DEAR MR. D.: After 27 years of marriage I can only imagine how shocking your wife's revelation must have been for you. That she is ambivalent about your marriage must be deeply painful because you are being treated like a yo-yo.

The book 'The Other Side of the Closet,' by Amity Pierce Buxton, Ph.D., has been mentioned before in my column and has proven helpful to others in your situation. There is also a support group called the Straight Spouse Network (www.straightspouse.org), which offers emotional support after a wife or a husband comes out as yours did. Please don't wait to read the book and visit the website. I think you will find them comforting. *** DEAR ABBY: I have a large family consisting of many grandchildren and greatgrandchildren. Looking through my photo albums, I can't complain that I don't have enough photos of my children, but it's a parade of tongues. Their mothers all post photos on social media with their tongues hanging out. The children then mimic their moms and their photos are disgusting as well. I would love to have photos of my children minus the slimy organ. Is this accepted behavior in our society now? Please, can someone enlighten me as to the inspiration of this repulsive action? — CLOSEDMOUTHED IN THE SOUTH DEAR CLOSEDMOUTHED: I suspect it originated back in the 1970s when Gene Simmons of Kiss licked his way to the top of the music charts. Lately, Miley Cyrus took up the torch and is keeping it burning brightly. Children often stick out their tongues when they are forced to have their picture taken or are trying to be funny, but I don't think Gene and Miley fall into that category. Quite the opposite, in fact. *** DEAR ABBY: Sometimes I'll call a close friend or business associate for lunch with the goal of having a quality one-on-one conversation on a wide range of topics. After the lunch is set, more than one of them has then invited other people I know, but with whom I do not have the same quality relationship. It is not a pleasant surprise.

I find it irritating, because it invariably changes the dynamic of the conversation. I never say anything about it, but it bothers me. Is my reaction reasonable, or should I just roll with this? — THWARTED IN DALLAS DEAR THWARTED: Your reaction is perfectly reasonable. The first time it happened, you should have shared your feelings with the person who did it. It has happened again because you didn't speak up. Now you will have to warn the person you're inviting in advance. *** Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.