Dealing with unlikable people

Why do you have an aversion to certain people? Even if you are a saint, not everyone will be in harmony with you. There are various reasons why you may be dislike a particular person.

It may be because someone dislikes you, treats you rudely, disagrees with you, takes advantage of you, is inconsiderate, has different opinions, is mean, acts unfriendly, is manipulative, is deceitful, or is malicious. Although the causes are virtually limitless, the effects are typically the same; stress and anxiety.

Never waste a minute thinking about people you don’t like. This is the ultimate goal but yet it seems difficult to achieve. Why? What compels people to fixate, and sometimes obsess, on those they dislike?

Should you believe a person has mistreated you in some way, you probably feel some emotional pain. It’s normal to want to eliminate the source of distress. Since you view the offending person as the cause of your discomfort, he or she becomes the target of your ire.

In addition to wanting to stop the offending behavior, you can harbor a desire to get even or give someone a taste of their own medicine. You want to teach the other person a lesson.

This destructive obsession with someone will drain your energy and detract from the positive aspects of your life.

The first principle when dealing with someone you don’t like is that you don’t have control over the behavior or attitude of another person. All you can control are your own actions and emotions. You ultimately decide what

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your reaction will be.

One of the worst reactions you can have is harboring hate and anger. These emotions are far more destructive to you than the person they are directed at. Anger is a poison to you. For the most part, the offending person doesn’t care how you feel anyway.

Some people are even encouraged if you exhibit any kind of negative reaction.

So what can you do in response to someone you don’t like? Whenever possible, don’t spend time with or speak to them. At the very least, minimize your interaction with them as much as possible. It’s surprising how much time some people will spend with those they don’t like.

Don’t allow someone to get a rise or reaction out of you. An adverse reaction on your part indicates a sensitivity that may encourage additional aberrant behavior. It’s normal for you to be affected by the actions of another, just don’t advertise your emotions.

Many people will have opinions that are at odds with yours. You don’t have to change your mind nor do you have to change theirs. You may not care for a person whose beliefs are radically different from yours. It’s a big world. There are more than enough people with whom you will feel comfortable.

Spend your time with them.

What if you dislike a person because they took advantage of you? As much as it may be unethical for someone to treat you this way, no one can do so without your permission.

You might get taken advantage of once, but you don’t have to allow it to happen again.

Although someone may be inconsiderate, mean, unfriendly, manipulative, deceitful, or malicious, more often than not you can just walk away.

You can choose not to interact with them. It’s up to you how you spend your time. Why not focus your energy on friends and relatives you like? It’s much more enjoyable and productive.

Now available: “ Dare to Live Without Limits,” the book.

Visit www. BryanGolden. com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E- mail Bryan at bryan@ columnist. com or write him c/ o this paper. ( c) 2024 Bryan Golden