Old flame is on man’s mind while marriage loses intimacy
Dear Abby By Abigail Van Buren
DEAR ABBY: I am in a 14-year marriage, but there has always been another woman, “Emily,” I have thought about almost daily the whole time. My wife and I have just turned 40. We have no kids, but we have a dog. I always thought I would want kids, and we tried half-heartedly, but there is no real intimacy to this day. I kiss her goodbye in the morning and, for years, that’s been it. Emily is all in on a relationship with me still to this day. We had a great relationship with great sex, and I miss all of that. I’m struggling about the right thing to do, partly because I know the pain this will cause. My wife and I still have good times together with friends, but when we’re home, it’s like we’re just best friends with no benefits. One of the last times we had sex, she ended it abruptly. The flame I felt for her is gone. I feel like I should go the other direction because she wants kids and still loves me deeply after all these years. Please advise. — WRESTLING WITH IT IN WISCONSIN DEAR WRESTLING: Clearly you have never stopped talking to Emily. Quit “wrestling” and talk with your WIFE. She may have ended your last sexual encounter because it was physically painful or because she no longer feels emotionally connected to you. The person who can help you determine what to do next is the woman to whom you are married. Whether this marriage is salvageable is debatable, but this I do know: A healthy marriage takes TWO committed individuals, and in this case, one of them (you) has been missing in action. *** DEAR ABBY: I am an older woman who finally got fed up with my husband’s cellphone addiction. Since he would no longer speak to me but spent all his time scrolling on his device, I went out and bought a realistic- looking baby doll. When he pulled out his cell, I pulled out my doll. I talked to it, fiddled with its buttons and carried it everywhere. He finally yelled at me, “It’s not real!” to which I replied, “It’s real; it’s just not alive. LIKE YOUR CELLPHONE.” This final scene was played out in the dining room of our country club, which was filled with members. The phone and “baby” stayed in the car after that. We laugh about it now, and she’s resting comfortably in her carrier, just in case she’s ever needed again. — THOUGHT I’D SHARE THIS DEAR THOUGHT: I hesitate to endorse implied threats in marital disagreements, but your solution worked — brilliantly. So who am I to argue with success? Congratulations! *** DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without sharing the traditional prayer penned by my dear late mother: Oh, Heavenly Father, We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry. We thank Thee for health and remember the sick. We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless. We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved. May these remembrances stir us to service. That Thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen. Have a safe and happy celebration, everyone! — Love, ABBY
