Man tells wife his travel plans on need-to-know basis

Dear Abby By Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I could use your advice on training my husband. He refuses to enter his work travel schedule on the household calendar. He snapped at me this week when he finally revealed that he was leaving Sunday. It took three more days to get the date he was coming back. It was like pulling teeth. It left me with only two days to decide how to enjoy the time alone. I suspect that he's withholding his travel data to keep me from enjoying myself too much while he's gone.

I think it's disrespectful to keep your wife in the dark until just a day or two before you leave. I need a way to motivate my man to share his travel dates earlier. I'm at the point where I'm tempted to ignore him and his travel since he is acting more like a child than a husband. I'm not his mommy, and I need to break his mean streak. Advice? — KEPT IN THE DARK IN LOUISIANA DEAR KEPT: Stop putting yourself at your husband's mercy. You are both adults. If you need a break and would like to schedule appointments, see a play, visit with friends, go on a trip, whatever — schedule it regardless of when your husband will be traveling. And ENJOY yourself. *** DEAR ABBY: I have worked for the same doctor for 29 years. My 30-year anniversary is approaching. People think I should be ready to retire when he does. The problem is, I live paycheck to paycheck, and there is no retirement plan. What little money I had saved went out the window when I got a divorce a few years ago.

I know I need to quit and go somewhere that offers REAL benefits, but I feel like leaving will create a huge rift. I adore the patients, and I know they will ask him what happened. I don't want to seem ungrateful.

I know it's my fault for not demanding more earlier. I get depressed when patients tell me about their retirement plans, or I hear about his. I will be working until I die. I'm afraid he will take the staff out for a nice lunch to celebrate my 30 years, and I will be so sad or bitter that I won't be able to hide it. — LIVING PAYCHECK TO PAYCHECK DEAR LIVING: Talk to your boss about your dilemma NOW. In light of the fact that you have worked for him for so long, perhaps he will consider instituting a retirement plan now. If he is unwilling, then it's time to look for other employment with better compensation and hope you can find a match even if it means missing the luncheon. *** DEAR ABBY: Please enlighten me on etiquette. My friend and I were out to lunch. While we were sitting there, she got on Facebook and posted about it. I think it was rude of her not to ask if I minded. It's not a secret, but why put it on Facebook? I don't understand why people think they have to advertise everything they do. Do they do it because they want to feel important? — OLD-FASHIONED WOMAN DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: I am sure some of them do. Others may do it because they want to memorialize the occasion or think others are actually interested. If you preferred that she not do it, you should have spoken up, told her you are a private person and asked her to please not mention your name or post your image in the future. *** READER ALERT! If you know a student who would like to enter the $5,000 Dear Abby College Columnist Scholarship Contest, see the information at DearAbby.com/scholarship and learn more. The deadline is fast approaching. *** Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.