If anyone needs drugs, it’s school teachers

If anyone needs drugs, it’s school teachers

Begin imagining me doing a slow clap starting here…

Well, done, sir. I’ve got to hand it to you, Michael.

If you had told me you were going to take all of your conservative triggers (illegal aliens, Confederate monuments, entitlements, voter ID laws, fake news… man, you even managed to squeeze abortion in there) and somehow make all of that connect to the hare-brained concept of drug testing teachers. That’s right, because Congress won’t let Trump build his wall and because New York is allowing full-term abortions, we need to drug test our teachers and that will stop the liberal socialist agenda.

Outstanding.

You can stop imagining the slow clap now… In fact, I’m going to stop as well, because I need my hands so I can make a different gesture.

Yep, I saw the topic you were planning on hitting this week Drug Testing Teachers, and thought I’d brush up on the topic. Funny, though, you go off on such a tangent, Michael, that you don’t even get to that part of your argument until about five paragraphs in!

So, let’s look at this bill, sent to the Capitol for Governor Hutchinson, giving public school boards the option of requiring a drug screening for potential and current employees.

Now, let me say, that I’m actually all for drug testing.

I think it should be required for any and all government transactions. You get food stamps? Drug test! You get disability? Drug test! You need to get your driver’s license renewed? Drug test! Cashing a state-funded scholarship check? Drug test!

Drugs (non-prescribed, controlled-substance drugs) are illegal, and one of the few crimes you can actually test for. Wouldn’t it be awesome of you could have someone pee in a cup to see if they test positive for murder or credit card fraud? So, if we’re going to do this, let’s make it fair. Let’s test the teachers and the lawyers and the police and the doctors and the truck drivers and the politicians.

There are a hundred state representatives in Little Rock right now. How many of them would come back clean in from a urinalysis?

But why teachers? And why now? Is there some epidemic I don’t know about? Is TUI (teaching under the influence) all of a sudden a problem? I’d love to know the justification for this. It’s apparently very, very important to state lawmakers. The House passed it 89-0, the Senate passed it 26-6, and the governor signed it less than 24 hours after it hit his desk. That’s some pretty efficient legislating.

Now, I’m not even going to pretend, Michael, that there aren’t teachers doing some “self-medicating.” And I actually know several teachers that are on a number of legitimate drugs for anxiety, stress and other conditions.

So, let’s say you’ve got a teacher that smokes a joint after work to unwind. Is it illegal? Yep. Does it affect his or her ability to be an effective teacher. I don’t know. Does it?

And is it the marijuana or are they just a crappy teacher?

I’ve known plenty of educators who were probably drugfree and just not very good.

How is the idea that we drug test teachers but don’t hold students to the same standard? I know student athletes are subject to random drug testing, but what about chemistry students? What about Home Ec. students? Do I want some stoned kid messing around with hydrochloric acid or a gas stove?

Like I said back at the beginning. Let’s do this. Let’s drug test. Let’s drug test everyone. And then let’s pass judgment.

By Ralph Hardin