My Apologies…

My Apologies…

‘Time in the Word’

By Clayton Adams Recently, my wife and I viewed the movie, “The Upside”, a funny but sobering movie about an ex-con becoming the caretaker of a quadriplegic man who is extremely wealthy.

In one scene, the ex-con talks about being sentenced to the same prison his father was incarcerated in. His father welcomed his son to prison with “welcome home son.” The son, and ex-con had to fight through his past and discover that prison and the “hood” did not have to be his “home.” He could have a new home if he chose.

He could be a better father to his child than his father was to him. In the end, he chose well and learned from his mistakes.

The first eleven years of my life I spent moving from Air Force Base to Air Force Base. I attended more schools than I can remember. I loved the traveling and meeting new people, I think it helped me develop my sense of humor, ability to empathize, sharpened my sensitivity to people in a special way.

But it also took a toll on me that I would not realize until much later in life.

After my father retired from the Air Force, we moved to his childhood home in western Wisconsin and when he began to work for the state prison in Green Bay, we moved there. When I graduated from high school, I couldn’t name three of my classmates. Getting to know people, growing close to people was easy, it was the constant departures and the good-byes that finally did me in and at Green Bay East High, I chose not to get close to anyone.

People are my life. Every job I’ve had was and is about people. Serving people, listening to people, helping people, encouraging people. But the most difficult part of my life is saying good-by. My heart is so tender to people that I cry when I watch an emotional scene in a movie or television show.

Growing up, my family did not take vacations. My father worked to support his family and I am forever grateful for his sacrifice so that his children had a better life than he had. I love my dad and he was and is my example in so many ways.

One year, I won a contest with my employer and it was an expense paid vacation to Gulf Shores, Alabama. I had never been to Gulf Shores, but I heard of it from many of the folks I attended church with. Some would make the trip yearly, renting a large beach house for their extended family. I was amazed that families as large as twenty or more would vacation together.

This was altogether a foreign idea to me.

We packed up three of our four kids (it was our first family vacation) and made the trip.

I was standing in the warm-salty water enjoying watching my wife afloat, soaking up the warm sun rays, my daughter playing in the water just a few feet from shore and my two youngest boys trying to drown each other when I had a profound thought.

Watching all of them, I suddenly realized I made a terrible mistake -1 allowed my eldest son to stay behind and work on a farm – it was a terrible mistake in judgment and fathering.

I realized I had made an irreversible error in life.

I thought, a father was to work – all the time. That is what I learned! It’s what I knew. Working all the time is what I thought I had to do.

Standing in the water I said to myself, “My God,

what a terrible mistake I’ve

made!” I cannot tell of the remorse for cheating my family out of such experiences of vacations.

In the Bible there are examples of good fathers and to say the least, terrible fathers. I think of the Old Testament Priest of Eli (his story is found in the book of 1 Samuel). Eli made serious mistakes in his fathering. His position of priest did not exclude him from fatherly trials, nor did his position help him to be a better father.

Not holding his sons accountable for their actions proved fatal to both his sons and to himself. He could have changed, but inexplicably, he chose not to change. It’s a horrifying story.

King David made many mistakes as a father and it cost him the throne and his family. Isn't it always easier to solve other peoples’ problems? Oh, how simple to fix someone else’s problems, but our problems not so easy! But it is easier to learn from mistakes of others than our own personal errors. Personal mistakes are extremely painful.

I’ve made many mistakes over the years as a father and unfortunately, we do not get “do-overs.” One makes decisions, take actions and deals with the consequences.

All people benefit from reasonable boundaries. I know children need safety and security but perhaps the greatest thing a child needs is a father who loves them enough to apologize for his mistakes.

I apologized to my wife and kids some years ago for the error in not taking vacations and other errors I’ve made through the years. Unfortunately, gaining wisdom does not always translate into “acting right.” Now that my children have children of their own, I see the wisdom of admitting my faults, apologizing and changing. My errors as a father have made me, hopefully, a better father, grandfather and a better person. Family vacations are needed in every family, even if only for a weekend in a campground or motel with a swimming pool.

More importantly, show your love to your kids and apologize for the bad decisions made as a father.

Your children will know you love them and see your strength as a father.

Clayton Adams has a message of faith he would like to share with the community. He would also like to hear from you. E-mail him at claytonpadamslll@ gmail.com.

Clayton Adams